The strain that the current pandemic has on us as physicians, nurses, and paramedics is immense! But what about the stress and anxiety this crisis is causing on our spouses or significant others? In today’s episode, we will be talking with my wife, Francesca, on how to support each other in times of crisis.
Being in medicine is an incredibly rewarding experience, but it can take a toll on relationships and the family unit. I have been so blessed to have a loving and supportive wife, and we’re going to talk about specific challenges that we have had and, more importantly, actionable resources that have worked for us.
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What is Stress?
When a serious situation happens at work, such as our current COVID-19 pandemic, it is easy to panic. Unfortunately, stress and anxiety will lower any chance of your ability to perform well. Moreover, it can have short and long-term effects on your personal health and well-being.
Yes, we should be vigilant and do everything in our power to keep yourself, your staff, your patients, and your family safe but, I also want to prepare you and your mind on some ways to handle stress amid a crisis.
Stress is a normal biologic response to a high-pressure situation. We know from medical school that cortisol and adrenaline are released during these events. These hormones are meant to be short-lived–to prepare the body to take action during a stressful event.
Stress Amid a Crisis
However, amid a crisis, when we are frequently in this heightened state, chronic stress occurs. As physicians, we are not immune from the effects of stress, nor are we adept at even identifying the stress that we face.
Research has shown that chronic stress can develop into significant illnesses such as heart disease, obesity, and a weakened immune system. Additionally, it can affect our psychological well-being, causing anxiety, depression, and insomnia.
Stress at Home
With all that is going on in the hospital, it makes sense that relationships can struggle. As an emergency physician, I, like many of you, have experienced first hand the devastation that a pandemic has caused our patients and our colleagues. Equally so, though, our family suffers as well.
Because of the pandemic, your spouse may not be working, or he/she may be taking an oversized load on the home responsibilities. Your spouse may be working from home, teaching the children from home, etc., all the while worrying about you while at work.
We come home and rely on our partners to support us emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually.
Try these tips to support each other during a crisis.
1. Take Care of Yourself First
To support each other in crisis, you must take care of yourself first. To be fully present, you must take care of yourself first. When I find myself worrying, I take a minute and examine what I have control or influence over. While I can’t prevent a storm, I can prepare for one. And while I can’t control how someone behaves, I can surely control how I react.
When you begin replaying a conversation in your head or imagining a catastrophe, take a moment and ask yourself, “Is this productive?”. If it is not (and it rarely is), put your energy into something else. As physicians, we are problem-solvers, and that is vital for what we do, but that trait can lead us to wasted time worrying about things we can’t control.
This common prayer, adopted and popularized by Alcoholics Anonymous, written by American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, helps me gain perspective amid a crisis.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
It’s Not Selfish; It’s a Must
As high-achieving, goal-oriented physicians, and nurses, we are naturally givers. Our calling has always been to be of service to others. Yet, in that honorable pursuit, we give more than we have. Remember, friends, you can not give what you do not have. Do you take care of yourself? Do you put your needs, such as eating healthy, exercising, and surrounding yourself with supportive and successful people first? If not, why not?
Caring for yourself is no more selfish than caring for others. Not caring for yourself makes living life unfulfilled and leads to your burnout–both personally and professionally. We have to rid this notion of being everything to everyone at all times. This is exhausting, mentally, physically, and a barrier to living the life you want for yourself and your family.
Your wellness depends on putting yourself first. It’s not selfish; it is a must.
2. Intentional and Fully Spend Time Together
If you have been readers or listening to Medicine Revived for some time, you know that I promote and advocate for ARISE Morning and SLEEP Evening rituals. This alone time is quite simply the best way to overcome the temptation of going down the rabbit hole of small, unimportant things. I have been a loud advocate for daily rituals, and I bookend my days with my ARISE Morning Ritual and SLEEP Evening Ritual.
Take the time to develop your own morning and evening ritual and consider this time sacred–no exceptions. It can last 15 minutes or up to 60 minutes. Find what works for you and your family, but this must be done daily.
Are you interested in developing your rituals? I have a free 3 Video Series to get you started today.
Together, though, take the time to have a special date night with your significant other. My wife and I call these date nights our “dream nights,” where we go out to our favorite restaurant and, with no filter, we talk about each of our dreams and that of the family. We don’t try to find reasons why we can’t do it; we just share this time together to dream BIG.
3. Preserve Some Normalcy in Daily Life
In an article written by Dan Olmsted, he recalls a letter written by Franklin D. Roosevelt in 1942, when the country was in the throes of World War II, where the President wrote, “I honestly feel that it would be best for the country to keep baseball going. There will be fewer people unemployed, and everybody will work longer hours and harder than ever before. And that means that they ought to have a chance for recreation and for taking their minds off their work even more than before.”
My wife, Francesca, and I try to follow President Roosevelt’s lead. While our current times are anything but normal, we make it a point to still go for walks outside with the kids; we still visit with family and friends (with our masks). Have a least one day a week where the entire family spends time together; for us, it’s Friday Fun Night where we order pizza and watch a movie!
4. Importance of Spirituality in a Relationship
Spiritual wellness may mean different things to different people. For us, spirituality may be synonymous with our traditional religion, while for others, it relates primarily to the quality of personal relationships or one’s love for nature and their community. Unfortunately, this pillar of well-being is often neglected and considered as an afterthought.
During this crisis, we have found that our faith has given us the strength and balance between our inner selves and the outside world. It includes the continued development of our deep appreciation for each other and the expanse of life, and the external forces surrounding us.
For us, we pray. We pray together before meals as well as every night before the kids go to bed.
We are Here to Help
Our mission is to give you the courage and the tools needed to help you learn, grow, and prosper in the important areas of your life-personally and professionally. If you are looking to get started and begin your journey toward wellness, click HERE. I have a free 3 Video Series to walk you through the first steps on this wonderful adventure. Join hundreds of other doctors and nurses who had the courage and permitted themselves to deserve a better life. Let’s walk this journey together. Click HERE to start now.
Yes, you can succeed at home and work. All it takes is intent and a mentor to walk with you. If you provide the first, I will give the second. Let’s get started.
Until next time, be good to yourself and each other.
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