Stop Being Mad at Everything
We have all been there…
…mad at the nurse when she forgot to give the medication you ordered
…upset at the patient when they missed an appointment you went out of your way to clear for them
…mad at another doctor because he didn’t want to admit a patient
Being upset happens. And that’s ok. It’s a normal human response and it’s acceptable to feel angry or frustrated, especially if you are trying your hardest to help a patient or colleague. In fact, you may have even convinced yourself that anger is a powerful force that can be used to trigger a positive change. Look no further than Samuel Adams, Martin Luther King, and the countless other incredible leaders that used the emotion of anger to incite a positive change for the world.
But it is not sustainable.
More importantly, this emotion can start bleeding into your everyday life and inconveniences. If not harnessed, it can lead to your physical breakdown and increased stress. It is NOT acceptable to use anger when confronted with the slightest inconvenience or perceived disrespect. It not only is unacceptable, but it is unhealthy for you. This will lead to your burnout. It will lead to failure.
I am here to help.
As an emergency physician, my day is filled with the unknown, which I imagine is incredibly similar to your day. There are lots of “opportunities” for your day to go wrong. As such, there is a tendency to develop an unhealthy dose of anger toward patients, staff, colleagues, and even the field of medicine itself. And what’s even more striking is that there is a lot of persistent and long-lasting anger amongst ourselves and our colleagues.
This is burnout, my friends.
Recognizing this early in your career is critical for your long-term success and wellness.
Identify the Problem
Similar to how we diagnose and treat our patients, we must do some self-inquiry in our lives and work habits. Where do you think this is all coming from? Why do many frustrations or inconveniences result in an all-out angry fit where you must be the victor? It wasn’t always this way, right?
Ask yourself, “are you constantly in “reacting mode?” Thich Nhat Hanh, a global spiritual leader and Buddhist monk, sums this up perfectly:
“If you get angry easily, it may be because the seed of anger in you has been watered frequently over many years, and unfortunately, you’ve allowed it or even encouraged it to be watered.”–Thich Nhat Hanh
Yes, I completely understand that working as a physician has become more challenging. You are being asked to do more, sometimes a lot more, with less. You have fewer resources, less staffing, and less pay, yet seem to have a higher liability. I get it. I absolutely get it. It’s because I work side by side with you every day.
But, what is this constant anger doing to your physical health? Your mental health? The angry doctor is a burned-out doctor. Rather than focusing on “being right,” we should change our mindset to “being well,” in spite of the daily challenges of the day.
Resources
- Working a Job You Hate? 3 Ways to Promote Occupational Wellness
- Struggling with Emotional Wellness? 4 Tips for Doctors
- Working with Difficult Physicians? Look Within First
First, Let Go of the Small Stuff and Stop Being Mad
A popular book that really started the self-help genre was a book written by Richard Carlson, Ph.D., Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and it’s all small stuff, that puts this subject in perspective. When you feel your blood pressure rising on a perceived wrong, ask yourself, “will this matter tomorrow, next week, next year?” Chances are probably not. So move on my friend. Focus your energies on something healthier.
Try this…when you had an unfortunate encounter with a patient, nurse or physician, stop, take two deep breaths and ask yourself, “will this matter tomorrow”? Start here, and you will begin to see that your shift or your day will start to improve.
“The first step in becoming a more peaceful person is to have the humility to admit that, in most cases, you’re creating your own emergencies. Life will usually go on if things don’t go according to plan.”–Richard Carlson, Ph.D.
Resources
- Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and it’s all small stuff by Richard Carlson, Ph.D.
- 2 Breathing Exercises to Try on Your Next Shift
- 5 habits for a better morning–The ARISE Ritual
- 6 Ways to Sleep Better Tonight–The SLEEP Ritual
Know your Triggers
What triggers your negative emotions? What triggers you to be mad at everything? This is a crucial step toward your healing. What makes you frustrated or upset? Write this down. Put these thoughts and triggers in your journal. That’s precisely for the journal is for.
For me, when someone tells me, “well, that’s how we have always done it,” I catch myself entering this negative spiral that I am aware of. Rather than becoming angry or lashing out, I take two deep breaths, smile, and ask more questions or offer a different perspective. This has been a massive step for me toward my mental health and occupational wellness. I try to practice more listening rather than talking.
“Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest human desires of the human heart. And those who learn to listen are the most loved and respected.”–Richard Carlson, PhD
What are your triggers? Being armed with this knowledge, you can prepare and plan ahead for a difficult situation. Learn to express your emotions without blaming the other person. Look within first.
Another option is to meditate. The thought of meditations seems to scare a lot of us. I, too, was one that was cynical toward the concept of meditation. But then I started–slowly at first and then a little more, and then a little more. I have found the Headspace app and incredible resources for the beginner. Whether you have 5 minutes or 30 minutes, Headspace has got you covered.
“Choose to be king over being right, and you’ll be right every time.”–Richard Carlson, PhD
Resources
- Daily Journaling to Prevent Physician Burnout
- 2 Breathing Exercises to Try on Your Next Shift
- Headspace
- 5 Powerful Ways Spiritual Wellness Can Prevent Physician Burnout
Stop Being Mad and Seek Help
Anger is not a personality flaw; it’s a surrogate marker for something deeper. Is it anxiety? Depression? Fear? It can be one of these, all of these, or none of these, but it is critical to get to the root of this emotion. Professional counseling can help. We are seeing staggering numbers of physician suicides. Please get the help that you need.
All states have physician health programs. Your institution likely has an employee assistance program. Seek it out and use it. The services include outreach, treatment, monitoring, and advocacy for the physician.
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is also a great place to look for resources. They have resources for the physician, as well as resources for faculty who routinely work with medical students and residents.
The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-TALK.
Resources
- It’s Time to Talk about Physician Suicide
- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
- National Suicide Prevention Hotline
Friends, my brothers and sisters in medicine, working in medicine, can be challenging. Some days are just worse than others. And, being mad at someone or a bad situation can be challenging, especially when you may feel that the behavior or situation warrants your anger. But the constant emotion of anger is incredibly powerful and can be so very detrimental to your long-term career and personal success and well-being.
Stop being mad at everything. Take the time for yourself and use the strategies that we discussed to become a more productive, healthier, and emotionally well physician. Your family deserves it. Your patients deserve it, and most importantly, you deserve it.
Until next time, be good to yourself and each other.
I hope you enjoyed this podcast. I ask one thing from you. If the content I provide you helps you–helps you become a better version of you, then please share this with a colleague or friend. The share buttons are just below.
Also, if you are feeling extra loving, I would be grateful if you left a review over on iTunes. Those reviews help other physicians find my podcast. Thanks so much!
Other Ways to Enjoy the Show
Right-click here and “Save As” to download this episode to your computer!
Note: Many of the links on this page are affiliate links, meaning if you choose to make a purchase I may make a small commission (this is at no additional cost to you). That said, I only recommend resources that I have tested and found them effective and useful. Please do not spend any money on these products unless you feel they will help you achieve your goals.
